Archive for August 8th, 2007


The Guilt Motherload

It’s hard to be a mom who works full time outside of the home. (duh…) Every morning I try to savor every last second with Reagan until I have to pry him from around my neck to go with his nanny. I hate that moment…even though I know it’s mostly drama.  Drama, drama, drama! I know that two seconds after he leaves me he is happy and silly again. But for those brief moments when he is falling apart in front of me, I feel like a terrible mother. I want him to be happy all the time…not fearful of when I may send him away with someone else. So…is it worth it? Is the extra paycheck worth it? I know, it’s more than a paycheck….helping this ministry team creatively lead our congregation is thrilling and what God has called me to do…but it still sucks every time I have to reconcile motherhood and career. I’m not sure it can be done without a big fat load of guilt weighing me down every day. Nannies spend more time with my child everday than I do…how do I justify that? 

I know you are all going to post comments to me about how no mom ever likes to leave their child and that everything will be fine – I know all of that…I just feel like venting a bit this morning. I don’t want to look back 10 years from now and regret all of the time I didn’t spend with my children. So…all you mothers out there…how do you do it?  


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August 2007

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