The Guilt Motherload

It’s hard to be a mom who works full time outside of the home. (duh…) Every morning I try to savor every last second with Reagan until I have to pry him from around my neck to go with his nanny. I hate that moment…even though I know it’s mostly drama.  Drama, drama, drama! I know that two seconds after he leaves me he is happy and silly again. But for those brief moments when he is falling apart in front of me, I feel like a terrible mother. I want him to be happy all the time…not fearful of when I may send him away with someone else. So…is it worth it? Is the extra paycheck worth it? I know, it’s more than a paycheck….helping this ministry team creatively lead our congregation is thrilling and what God has called me to do…but it still sucks every time I have to reconcile motherhood and career. I’m not sure it can be done without a big fat load of guilt weighing me down every day. Nannies spend more time with my child everday than I do…how do I justify that? 

I know you are all going to post comments to me about how no mom ever likes to leave their child and that everything will be fine – I know all of that…I just feel like venting a bit this morning. I don’t want to look back 10 years from now and regret all of the time I didn’t spend with my children. So…all you mothers out there…how do you do it?  


3 Responses to “The Guilt Motherload”

  1. August 8, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    I don’t think anything you do ever makes you feel like you spend enough time, do enough or savor all you should with your child, whether you work or stay at home

  2. August 11, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    I too have felt the struggle. I understand where you are coming from, but I try and have signifcant times each week with my kids. We eat dinner together and talk, play games, and laugh together too. The balance has been hard for me lately, but I am working diligently on it. If it were just a paycheck you would already be gone.

  3. August 19, 2007 at 1:55 am

    And then there’s the view from the other side… to look at your life and know that you’ve spent the next twenty years already… you’ve purchased a life with your children at the price of the ministry you could have been doing, the lives you could have changed, the destiny you could have pursued, the talent you could have formed… and you wonder if you’re doing the right thing.

    Helen’s right though- I don’t get to leave my kids even to see my OB-Gyn, and I STILL feel like I don’t give them enough of me!

    In the end, all we can do is OBEY. If we OBEY God’s word for our own unique individual life at the end we get the gold star of “Well done, my good and faithful child…” (Whether we actually enjoyed the obeying or not.)

    From Reagan’s side- you’re giving him life, love, a caring environment, and everything he needs to flourish. It will be easier when he’s a little older and you can talk about your feelings together.

    Here’s a quote for you, “The average child can withstand the average mistakes of the average parent.” We can certainly hope!

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