I’m dying for more relationships with artists…to be challenged and motivated beyond my baseline of artistic expression. Sometimes I feel like I live in this bubble over here in my office frantically searching and reading blogs…listening to music…watching what others are doing. But what I really want is some serious, down and dirty face time with a real live, breathing community of artists. We have that to some degree here at The Rock, but I’m really searching for something more.
I know it sounds silly – after all, I am surrounded by creative people where I work. Graphic artists, writers, photographers, musicians, dancers, singers – but most of the time it just feels like work. I think that is a danger for everyone working full time in a creative ministry – our art becomes our paycheck if we’re not careful. We perform creatively to fulfill an obligation or an expectation instead of finding true personal fulfillment through our expression. This is the place I find myself in right now – drowning in expectations and not able to find the time or energy to create out of love for my craft.
I LOVE facilitating others in their creative gifts. I LOVE to see people truly become successful artists and if I’ve helped them or encouraged them along the way, that is truly fulfilling. I think that is a gift in me…to help others feel like they have a place in this artistic community. But somewhere along the way I have lost the ability to do that for myself or to allow others to be that in my life. This is not a happy feeling for me…
I remember traveling in ministry with Dony and Reba years ago – she would have weekly writing classes for all of the young people traveling on the bus. Most of them hated it and fussed through the whole process, but I remember trying to drain every last bit of creativity that Reba has in her (and she has enough to last her and all of us a lifetime). I remember dreaming about the next time we would meet and how excited (and terrified) I was to show her what I had been working on. And every night I had the opportunity to share a ministry stage with two of the most talented people on the planet. I would watch Dony’s hands on that keyboard to see how much I could learn about chord voicings and harmonic structure and listen as Reba sang the roof off of every auditorium we ministered in. That was two years of being stretched and molded artistically that I will never forget. I am grateful they took the time to foster the artist in me. (and thanks, Reba, for nudging me every once in a while even now…)
So – I have to figure out a way….I have to make the time between being a wife, a mother, a friend, a creative arts pastor, an arts’ academy director and a piano teacher to foster personal creativity. It just has to be done – or no one is going to want to be around me anymore. (that may already be the case now…)
Abs of Steel 
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