Something’s Got To Give

OK – so I think I just have to be honest for a moment so that maybe it will force me to change some things…

Yesterday was my birthday and I think my sister-in-law, Jennifer, knew that I needed a break. Maybe it was 10am twitter that had the blatant sound of whining that caused her to pick up the phone, but anyway….she called and offered to take the kids for a while so that I could have some alone time. That was the best birthday present EVER! So, she came and whisked them away and I went to try on some clothes. I’m tying to find something to wear for the 20th anniversary service of the church next weekend. Let me just say that the dressing room was a major motivation kick in the butt for me.

Yes, I know I just had a baby seven weeks ago – but I know that I have so much work to do. It’s not just about losing weight and fitting into better clothes – although that’s a BIG part of it.

I want to be around a loooooong time for my children and I know that some things need to change. I remember when I moved home about ten years ago…I was 40 lbs overweight and miserable with myself. I was single with no children to take care of and so I had plenty of time to work out and plan my meals. I lost all of that extra weight in about 3 or 4 months so I know what it takes. But, years of comfortable marriage and two pregnancies have not been friendly to my waistline or my overall health – those 40 pounds are back and staring at me with evil intentions. It’s time for a change.

So here’s the deal… anyone else ready for a change? Anyone want to join me in the quest to be healthier and happier and around for a looooooong time? I promise not to bore all of my blog readers with the daily minutia of my diet and fitness routines, but I will try to let you all know what works for me and what doesn’t and try to encourage those of you who may be on the same path that I’m on.

Maybe I should start a separate blog just for this journey -what do you all think?

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I Feel Weird

Last night Don, Reagan and I were sitting at the dinner table finishing up when I realized that my team was assembling right at that moment over at the church….without me. They had their first rehearsal sans PA and it really hit me last night that a long season of my life is drawing to a close and I have to admit that I feel weird about that.

They are being left in very capable hands (you’ll find out who’s hands this coming Sunday morning) and I am excited about handing things over to a new creative leader – it’s going to be an amazing time at The ROCK as we see how God is lining everything up just the way He wants them. These decisions are never easy and are never up to us – He know so much better than we do what we really need and it’s when we learn to trust Him, even in the difficult decisions, that we truly begin to walk in freedom and joy in our lives.

When I finish typing this post, I will go back to packing up my office and loading up my car. (I LOVE my office, by the way, and will miss it terribly when I have to go pile all of my GAFA stuff up in my tiny house) Monday morning, PB will take over my corner office and I think there will be a massive session of musical offices for a few days as staff members jockey for their spot. Despite all the pleas – the couch is going down to the GAFA office for a while. (sorry, everyone!)

I love my job and will miss it terribly. But – I love my family enough to take a break for a while and try to be a better mommy to Reagan and Rylee and a better leader of Glory Academy. I can’t wait to see how my team takes off into this new season – it’s going to be incredible! I love you all –

Abbye

Big Dreams

When Don and I made the decision for me to step down as Creative Arts Director at The ROCK, we knew it was because our children were the most important thing in our lives. Reagan is the best gift I have ever been given – more than I could EVER dream to ask for. Rylee is coming in seven weeks and I can only imagine how much more love my little heart can muster. God’s gifts are always perfect and I can’t wait to finally see this little girl face to face and kiss her about a million times. This is why we made our decision – so I could stay home more and focus my attention on them.

Since deciding to make this change, I have realized that God’s intentions are far greater than we first thought. They usually are…

He’s been keeping me up at night – bombarding my heart and my mind with new ideas and big fat dreams. I was worried that my ability to create would be severely limited when I gave up my full time “payed” position and that I would be relegated to the nether-regions of mommy hood for the rest of my days. What I have discovered is that giving myself the room – clearing my mind of TOO much – has given me the permission to start thinking again and believing again in what I could truly accomplish if I decide to make it happen.

Easter Service

Yesterday was an incredible expression of our churches’ desire to minister the love of Christ to our city. Bryan brought a great word to us about allowing Christ to be the Catalyst in our lives that causes us to reach out with love and compassion to the lost and dying of our city. He grabbed this picture after the service – after many had come forward and written in permanent ink all over the front of our stage – the names of those that they are going to be an expression of Christ to. We can’t get away from them now – they will be in our line of vision EVERY time we stand to worship – EVERY time we come into this building on Sundays. It’s not about us anymore – God forgive us for thinking it ever was.

This thing we do every weekend is much more important than we have allowed ourselves to commit to. There are tens of thousands of people in this city who do not know Christ – they are lost! Yes – Christ has already paid the price for their freedom, but because they do not know about it they can not LIVE it. But we can’t ignore it anymore – these names are going to stare at us every time we come in here – and every time we start to loose focus about what it’s all about….

something’s got to give –

a change is inevitable – my quest to evolve has not yet ended…

scary things are rolling around in my head – big, hairy things that probably wouldn’t be very popular…

but we’ll have to wait and see if I have enough courage or if I’ll just tell the big, scary things to shut up again…

Looking Ahead

I just read a post from a dear friend of mine, Christopher. We are the same age – grew up together – and have been in what seems to be parallel mental universes for the past year or so. Anyway…I am so proud of him – he is following his dream and taking the steps to make it a reality in his life. Go read the post and find out what is going on in his world…

He challenges me to take my dreams seriously – to stop letting them just hang out on the shelf where they’ve been for so many years. What would the world be like if we all truly went for it? Hmmmmm…

It’s My Choice

So, what do you do when people have disappointed you? When people have made choices that negatively affect your world and what you are trying to accomplish?

I remember the people who haven’t – those people who “get it” and seem to do it the right way more than the wrong way. Those are the people that keep me going. I never want the disappointments to outweigh the greatness that is in a lot of the people in my life. And there are some really amazing people…you know who you are. I love you all more than you know…

Abs

Artistic Community

I’m dying for more relationships with artists…to be challenged and motivated beyond my baseline of artistic expression. Sometimes I feel like I live in this bubble over here in my office frantically searching and reading blogs…listening to music…watching what others are doing. But what I really want is some serious, down and dirty face time with a real live, breathing community of artists. We have that to some degree here at The Rock, but I’m really searching for something more.

I know it sounds silly – after all, I am surrounded by creative people where I work. Graphic artists, writers, photographers, musicians, dancers, singers – but most of the time it just feels like work. I think that is a danger for everyone working full time in a creative ministry – our art becomes our paycheck if we’re not careful. We perform creatively to fulfill an obligation or an expectation instead of finding true personal fulfillment through our expression. This is the place I find myself in right now – drowning in expectations and not able to find the time or energy to create out of love for my craft.

I LOVE facilitating others in their creative gifts. I LOVE to see people truly become successful artists and if I’ve helped them or encouraged them along the way, that is truly fulfilling. I think that is a gift in me…to help others feel like they have a place in this artistic community. But somewhere along the way I have lost the ability to do that for myself or to allow others to be that in my life. This is not a happy feeling for me…

I remember traveling in ministry with Dony and Reba years ago – she would have weekly writing classes for all of the young people traveling on the bus. Most of them hated it and fussed through the whole process, but I remember trying to drain every last bit of creativity that Reba has in her (and she has enough to last her and all of us a lifetime). I remember dreaming about the next time we would meet and how excited (and terrified) I was to show her what I had been working on. And every night I had the opportunity to share a ministry stage with two of the most talented people on the planet. I would watch Dony’s hands on that keyboard to see how much I could learn about chord voicings and harmonic structure and listen as Reba sang the roof off of every auditorium we ministered in. That was two years of being stretched and molded artistically that I will never forget. I am grateful they took the time to foster the artist in me. (and thanks, Reba, for nudging me every once in a while even now…)

So – I have to figure out a way….I have to make the time between being a wife, a mother, a friend, a creative arts pastor, an arts’ academy director and a piano teacher to foster personal creativity. It just has to be done – or no one is going to want to be around me anymore. (that may already be the case now…)

The Necessity of Evolution

This is why I must evolve – this little toehead and the baby in my belly –

The options do not include laziness, apathy, whining, making excuses or fear. The option is this – make changes or slowly sink into oblivion…

Don’t worry…

I’m really fine….sometimes I need to post what I’m feeling – it’s therapeutic for me.  So, if you read my last two posts and were concerned about me doing something crazy then rest assured that even if I do surprise everyone and do something “crazy” everything will be ok… 🙂